The Five Times I Was Done For and The Other Two I Was Done
by Chickcentra1
Summary: "I don't think that Rose, I know for a fact its so." I grab her elbow and start to pull her back towards the archway where the TARDIS is parked, when she gives me a slap across the face that could have very well triggered another regeneration. I stand there unsure of what to do. Which of course is a first for me. This girl is something else entirely.
1. Cardiff

**This is my second Doctor Who fic…..aren't you all proud ****J**** I will be writing this one along side the other one. This one kind of came out as something when I got a bit stalled while writing A New Adventure Began. Will be a bit shorter than that one I can assure you, because I can write all I want for those two…they have a whole lifetime together don't they : )….As usual I don't own the characters, because If I did 10 would be handcuffed in my closet right now. Heheh.**

The Five Times I Was Done For and The Other Two I Was Done

The first time I realized I as done for was in 1869 Cardiff. I had to go and mention to her that she would have started a riot in her 21st century garb, to be honest she was going to start a riot in that blasted dress. She is strikingly beautiful for the human she is. I tell her so, and she takes it as the backhanded complement I don't intend for it to be. I find I am incapable of intelligent speech right now as its black and crimson silk hugs her curves in all the right places, so much so that I am finding it hard not to pound my fist into the face of the next bloke on this street who leers at her. There are times that I hate having such keen senses. If it wasn't bad enough to hear the dirty thoughts about my new companion emanating from the primitives swirling about in my head; it was a dozen times worse to smell her perfume. Be it I still bear the scars of war that feed my need for intimidation, or baser male instinct, I lay my claim on her by offering her my arm. I cast a warning glance as we walk at the other men on the street that dare entertain the thought that she is not spoken for. Rose looks up at me and flashes me one of her tongue in teeth smiles and takes my hand, I marvel at how smooth her skin is and how well our palms fit together. I brought her here at Christmas time because I wanted to give her something special, a gift no one could ever in a million years give to her. I have to admit a certain affection for the Earth holiday. I love Christmas, all the brightly wrapped presents and trees, the mistletoe. Wait why am I thinking about mistletoe all the sudden? I am somewhat confused by these feelings that are stirring up inside me. Her cheeks are flushed from the cold night air and I cant seem to remember what I was originally going to say. She slips on a patch of wet brick, and I wrap my arm around her waist pulling her close to me. I hear her gasp and I look down at her, a poor decision on my part not to make eye contact as her cleavage already enhanced by the corset she is wearing is now pressed against me in an intimate fashion. I quickly draw my gaze away from her breasts and instead fix them on her eyes. I am amazed by how her eyes sparkle in the light of the gas lamps, I feel the heat rise in my cheeks as she gives me a knowing smile. For the sake of my sanity the next place we go I should suggest to her a turtle neck sweater.

I buy a paper from the gent on the corner and cringe, cursing the TARDIS in Gallifreyan for its knackered guidance system and look over at Rose who is watching the choir beside us with a bemused expression. I had forgotten how amazing it is to see the world anew through my companions eyes. She is so full of wonder. So young. I have traveled alone for far too long I suppose. " I might have gotten the flight wrong." I say chagrined. She gives my arm a gentle squeeze.

"I don't care." she says smiling.

"It's not 1860", she gives me a small nod. "Its 1869", I say apologetically.

She shrugs as she walks down the street, giving a giggle as a gentleman walks by her tipping his hat. I shift Rose to my other side, she gives me a puzzled expression but complies with my guidance. I wish she knew what power she holds over the male species be they human or alien. By the smirk she just gave me, she isn't as innocent to her charms as I would believe.

"Its not Naples"

"I don't care."

Maybe she doesn't, but I go for broke anyway. She's going to find out soon enough anyhow. "Its Cardiff." I say softly.

Rose stops, giving me an icy glare. "Right"

Of all the places in the universe I could take her and we are barely outside her own back door. I sense her disappointment. This is our first Christmas together and I just wanted this to be special. I have been alone for so long and she gave up a lot for me. She saved my life, no questions asked, then left her mother and a boyfriend to climb into a blue box with a daft old man who promised her adventure. "I'm sorry." I say playing with the zipper on my jacket. When did I become so self conscious? I give her a hopeful lopsided grin.

She sighs.

"I could take you home if you want." I advert my eyes because I fear the truth in them. She will leave me, and why not everyone leaves me, every second of her silence is like someone rubbing lemon juice on a paper cut to my conscience. "Alright then," I say rubbing my hands together, " Home it is." I turn on my heels and make a beeline for the TARDIS leaving Rose standing on the street corner. " Are you coming or not?" I do not hide the irritation in my voice.

" Oh no you don't!" She shouts crossing the street. She grabs my hand whirling me around to face her," You aren't ditchin me that easy!" She pokes my chest with the tip of her index finger. Her breath coming in quick pants and I can smell the endorphins in the air as her very human body seethes in anger. " YOU promised me!"

I cross my arms in defiance. " I don't recall promising you anything Rose." I say arrogantly. In times like this I like to resort to what has worked for me all these centuries. I don't need anyone or anything. I am the Oncoming Storm, the Time Lord Victorious. I don't have to answer to anyone let alone a tiny human girl. At least that sounds good enough to me in my head that I start to believe it.

She stands firm, straightening herself in an attempt to reach my height. "You are a bully."

I arch my brow in her direction. I am somewhat intrigued that this woman has the audacity to defy me. I try to hide my smirk, but not quick enough for her to miss it. She's sharp this one.

"That's right," she pokes her finger in my chest again, " You think you are so smart." She stares me down, daring me to argue with her reasoning.

"I don't think that Rose, I know for a fact its so." I grab her elbow and start to pull her back towards the archway where the TARDIS is parked, when she gives me a slap across the face that could have very well triggered another regeneration. I stand there unsure of what to do. Which of course is a first for me. This girl is something else entirely and I don't quite know what to make of her." You hit me." I say more out shock than anything else. I put my palm to my cheek, its burn still hot under my fingers.

Her hand flies up to cover the perfect O if her mouth. She is so human letting her emotions override her reasoning. "Oh Doctor…Im sorry." she says backing away from me dropping her eyes to ground below. But somehow I am the one who feels sorry in this situation. I was kind of what you humans call an ass just a few seconds ago. "Its just that you put your hands on me." She says softly "Jimmy used to um…" She looks away growing quiet again.

"Jimmy who?" I say hooking my finger under her chin and bringing her eyes up to mine, "What is it Rose? Is it the slap? I'm okay really. Takes a lot more than that to damage this old face of mine big ears and all." I am blathering on about nothing really, a nervous habit I have adopted in this regeneration. She is really upset, I don't think I like seeing her like this and I would move heaven and hell to keep it from happening again. "Hey, you can tell me." I'm almost positive I am not going to like this answer.

She nods her thanks, "I'm sorry…..its nothing really. I'm sorry I brought it up. You just scared me that's all." I don't buy her excuse, but for now I will let it go for now in hopes that someday she will be able to trust me enough to tell me about this Jimmy guy. I know just how easy it would be to make him disappear before Rose even met him. Paradoxes be damned.

"Okay then." I say shuffling my feet in the snow, " I guess I owe you an apology, I overreacted back there." I give her hand a gentle squeeze.

She gives me a slight smile, " Me too. You okay?" her look of concern for me is a bit overwhelming and I am starting to get a rather warm sensation in my stomach I haven't felt in a century or two, but who's counting.

"Think you knocked a filling loose," I say rubbing my jaw, " but other than that I'm right as rain."

She laughs, and I think it is by far the most musical sound I have ever heard outside of the whirring of the TARDIS engines. "Home?"

"Nope, its Christmas and I am in this beautiful dress, and you are taking me to a party." She smiles warm and bright and wraps her arms around me pulling me into a hug. I flinch because this very new for me, so she hugs me tighter. Oh yeah, I could grow to like this.

I am done for.


	2. Paradoxes and Pity Parties

**Sorry so late guys I was at a medical conference, rocking the pin stripes and the red converse of course ****J****. I don't know ever since I seen this episode (spoilers for Fathers Day) I just thought of how painful it was to watch. What was he thinking. My own take but kept the dialogue because It was so very honest to what they were when they were starting out back then. **

I was done and I had to find an out quick. She stood in front of me messing with a toggle switch in the consul of the TARDIS while she shared hero worship stories about her dad. How he was a brilliant man who had brilliant plans that were cut short by a reckless moment behind the wheel of a car. She stood begging permission from me to meet a man whom she never met, but loved like he was some sort of super hero flowing cape and all. I have a hard time resisting her when she raises her soft brown eyes to meet mine.

"Your wish is my command." I say without thinking. Its almost become automatic, oh hell it is automatic. Her wish is my command, to be honest if she told me to jump off a bridge into a pool of sharks wearing nothing but pork chop I probably would. " Be careful what you wish for." I say as a warning as I fear what seeing her fathers death may do to her. I have seen enough death to last me centuries, and seeing it though her eyes may just be my unraveling. I take her hand and we watch as the car strikes him and he lay in the street dying alone.

I don't blame her when she doesn't go to him, I don't fault her for thinking herself a coward. I understand it more than I will ever let her know. There are such dark places in my heart that I still fear letting her light shine onto. I know I won't be able to hold onto them forever, but for now they are my burdens to bear alone. She asks me again to break another cardinal rule of time travel and give her a second chance.

I wasn't aware of the gravity of second chances as she released my hand and goes sprinting past our doubles and right into the path of the oncoming car. Stupid girl. Damn insolent, conniving, pathetic, brainless ape! I feel the winds of time shift deep within my consciousness as a now very ALIVE Pete Tyler is standing in front of my very eyes. Something cold and dark blows through me wrapping its webbing around my hearts like frost on a window pane. I blame myself for always playing the hero around her, knowing how impressionable you humans are and how you just can't seem to keep yourselves out of trouble. I stand here clenching my jaw so hard I can feel my masseter muscles starting to burn under the strain. I cant even stand to look at her right now as I feel the wave of nausea that threatens to overtake me, and its taxing my resolve because all I want to do right now is run from all this anger I feel building inside me.

How dare she play with me like this!

_Shes just using you….She did this deliberate…_the words turn over and over in my mind like some sick twisted mantra. I feel the old familiar darkness creep in and for a moment I welcome it. I revel in its cold comfort.

I still the twitching of my fingers, by clenching my fists so tight I can feel my nails dig into my palm.

She smiles at me and I feel a slight twinge in my chest, which I promptly tamp down as one would snuff out the ashes of a campfire. I feel so used.

My throat grows tight, and the words spill out of my mouth before I get the chance to stop them. But I have to know. "When we first met I said travel with me through space. Then you said no. Then I said time machine." My eyes burn into her and she backs away from me some. Its probably a good thing because if she touches me right now I may not be held responsible for what happens next.

She gives me a wounded expression, Good. It satisfies me. I hope she gets it.

"It wasn't some big plan. I just saw it happening and I thought... I can stop it." She says hopefully, I can see the honesty in her statement and it pisses me off more. I want her to beg my forgiveness not make me feel sorry for her.

Why does she do this to me. Well its not going to happen again.

"I did it again. I picked another STUPIDape!" I say coldly crossing my arms. " I should've known. It's not about showing you the universe - it never is. It's about the universe doing something for you!" , her eyes brim over with tears and its taking every power I have in my arsenal not to bend to her will.

"But he's _alive._" she pleads.

With those three words, I reach my breaking point. "My entire planet died." I say as the gravity of my words press down on her. I watch as she reaches a hand toward me. I take a few steps back. I don't want her fucking pity, " My whole family. Do you ever think it never occurred to me to go back and save them?"

She lowers her lashes, "What? Would you rather he be dead?" she says softly.

My exasperation with this whole situation knows no bounds, I feel like this room is closing in around me slowly as the air hangs heavy between us. The weight of it is oppressive, and it is threatening to swallow us both; ruining the trust that we have so slowly started to build.

"I am not saying that." I say quietly, trying my best to diffuse this situation before it reaches the point of no return. I feel her starting to pull away from me, and instead of anger I now feel the beginnings of fear as it starts to take a hold on me. My hand reaches toward her seemingly of its own volition. She stops it with an icy glare

" No! I get it ," She says as a self satisfied smirk crawls across her lips, " for once, _you're _not the most important man in my life."

Her words burn under my skin like fire.

"Let's see how you get on without me then, give me the key" I say stretching out my hand, I ask for the one thing I know will cause her pain, strike fear in her heart, and bend her to my will. " The TARDIS key. If I'm so insignificant, give it back."

Her eyes flicker between hurt and anger as she takes the key out of her pocket and places it in my hand. I pretend not to notice the shaking of her hands as she does so, or the sound of the intake of breath as she lets it go. " All right then I will." She spits.

I give her a curt nod of the head. " Well, you've got what you wanted so its goodbye then." I say with a little too much finality. I can feel my hearts hammering in my chest and for a moment I really just want to go back and take this whole moment back. Cross my own timeline and just say no at the beginning. I turn my back from her without giving her a second glance. I am not a man who gives second chances and I wonder when I started to really give a damn about how others perceived me.

"_You don't scare me." _she says, blocking my path to the door. " I know how sad you are. You'll be back in a minute, or you will hang around outside of the TARDIS and wait for me."

_Don't fucking count on it_ my internal monologue chimes in. I look at her for a few moments, warring with myself to just walk away.

So I do.

I am done.


	3. Birth and Death of Stars

I knew I was done for when I heard the sweet sound of the TARDIS as its engines roared and it materialized into existence in front of me when I expressly forbade its return. But here it is, I swore that I had enacted the return protocol. How in the hell did it not work, stupid machine. What else should I have expected, half the time I tell that thing to go left and the damn thing goes right. The doors open and I am bathed in golden light…..Oh Fuck. Only Rose.

I had sent her away, for her own good and in her very Rose like fashion she had found a way into trouble again. If her motives were to save my sorry ass we are going to have quite the row when this is over. I watch her step out, haloed in golden light like some angel. That's what she is though, my guardian angel. She protects me, guides me and saves me. Mostly from myself. To be honest, if she hadn't agreed to travel with me I would probably be stuck in some miserable prison of self-loathing or even worse, self-harm.

"What have you done?" I say, as the halo of light curls around me knocking me backwards to the ground. Rose looks down at me, she is so intoxicating and I am awestruck how beautiful she is. I an truly at a loss for words as the golden light like the birth of a galaxy shines in her eyes.

"I looked into the TARDIS," she says with a voice like honey and silk, so different from her usual London brogue. She smiles tenderly, " The TARDIS looked into me."

For the first time since the Time War, I am truly scared. The consequences of her actions will kill her and I cannot bear the thought of suffering that kind of loneliness again. "You looked into the Time Vortex, Rose…" I swallow back the bile that stings my throat as I try to process the situation and her actions that will ultimately lead to her demise, " No one is meant to do that."

I vaguely hear the Emperor Dalek before I see Rose raise her hand, then all of heaven and hell collided around us. The room erupted in sparks. The smell of molten metal and burnt flesh, sting my nostrils, death surrounds us everywhere. At this point I don't care as much about what will happen to the Daleks as much as I care about what is going to happen to Rose in the wake of the aftermath. I have been there. I know the pain. I fear my real Rose would never forgive herself for causing the annihilation of an entire race. "Rose you have got to stop this!" I urge her but she looks through me like I am made of glass. "You have got to stop this now!" I reach towards her as she takes a step forward. "You have the entire Vortex running through your head. You are going to burn!" tears threaten to spill from my eyes and I blink them away. I am losing her, watching her turn into the monster I once was before I met her.

"I want you safe." she says as tears streak down her face.

The four greatest words in all of the languages ever spoken. With that I am done for. It is then, in that moment, those few precious seconds that time stopped for me. Her words fill and expand inside me like a red giant burning me to my core, I am in love with Rose Tyler.

"I can see everything." she says her voice breaking, her tears are falling in earnest and I just want to pull her inside of me and protect her from herself. She is dying and I am powerless to stop it. I would die a hundred deaths if I could just have her back.

" That is what I see all the time. Doesn't it drive you mad?" I say stepping forward.

"My head….it hurts" she cries. I cannot bear to see her in this much pain, my entire universe is collapsing around me and I now know what I must do. I have to save her, even if it means I must die. "Come here." I say softly as I take her and pull her close. This isn't exactly how I pictured my first kiss with Rose Tyler. I would have rather taken her someplace nice like the beaches on Thelon Five. The sands there are white as sugar and the seas are warm and pink. We would have taken our shoes of wiggling our toes in the sand, as we sat watching the ice blue sun set on the horizon. While she was bathed in the blue light of dusk, I would press my forehead softly against hers as I lowered her to the beach and covered her lips with mine. Kissing her would be deadly, I just wasn't aware just how much so. I lean forward gently, placing my lips over hers, grazing her lower lip in between my teeth. My hearts are hammering in my chest as I pull the Vortex from her it burns inside me, the heat is so intense I almost let go until I feel Rose grow slack under my palms.

I am dying, every cell inside me. Slowly one by one they are imploding. It takes the last of my strength I have to drag Rose into the TARDIS and lay her gently on the floor. My regeneration process is beginning and my thought processes are warning me to get us someplace safe before this happens. I punch in coordinates for deep space away from everything that my present a danger to us. I have so few precious moments with her, and it makes me jealous that these eyes will never be able to look upon her face again. She stirs and I am relieved that she is coming to at least I will be allowed to say a proper goodbye.

"Rose Tyler." I say giving a slight laugh, " I was going to take you to so many great places." she looks at me perplexed and I cant seem to find the strength to tell her just how I am feeling right now. How it feels to be dying and living in the same breath. I concentrate my thoughts on her, on the man I want to become for her. I need to be someone who complements her. Someone who isn't war hardened and bitter, someone whose hand will fit ever so perfectly in hers. Someone handsome and brave. Someone light and fun and everything she has taught me to be.

"Then why cant we go." she says questioningly. She senses something is wrong, after all she is fantastic.

" Maybe you will. Maybe I will. But not like this."  
She smiles slightly, " You're not making any sense."

I can't seem to make myself look away from her, I want the last things these eyes see to be her beautiful face. I feel myself exploding as my regeneration takes a hold of me and I pray silently that I will be able to remember how much I love her, that the new man I become will be enough for her. I love Rose Tyler I say over and over as I feel myself die.

"Hello" I smile and look into her eyes.

I am done for.


	4. Changes and Saving Graces

**I got caught up in the whirlwind while writing ANAB…..sorry for the no update…I promise its worth the wait. ****J**

I knew I was done for when I heard her whisper "Help me."

Here we are now another Christmas I have desperately tried no to screw up royally and failed miserably. Maybe we should just skip it all together next year, here I go again saying _we_ like it's a definite. I don't know anything anymore. I don't know I am, what I look like, who I have become. I only know her, and the fear I saw in her eyes and the betrayal I heard in her voice. Something went wrong with my regeneration. I don't remember much about it. Perhaps that is a blessing in disguise as I don't relish the thought of reliving that kind of pain. I just remember those few tense moments when I looked at her though these whatever-color-they-may-be-now eyes. She looked so scared of me, so lost.

"Tell me….What do I look like?" Please say I am enough for you. "go on then, tell me what do you think?"

"Who are you?" She said her voice barely above a whisper. I took note of her current state of distress, as she cowered behind the coral support of the control room. My brave, sweet Rose afraid for her life as if I were the one who was about to take it. Am I that kind of man?

I cannot even find the words to say and it wouldn't matter anyhow as they are seemingly caught in my throat. How she could not see me for who I am,? Who I became for her. What if I were wrong? " What do you mean? I'm the doctor." I say in disbelief.

"NO!" she says giving me a look of utter distaste, "Where is he, what are you? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH HIM!"

I take a few steps forward, my new hands begging to touch her soft skin again. She senses my approach and takes a few steps back. "What do you mean?" I shake my head in hopes that some of my neurons didn't get scrambled a bit during my regeneration.

Then I see her, the anger building inside her as she heads toward me. Her words sting like venom as they pour from her perfect lips. " You don't fool me. I've seen all sorts of things, Nanogenes, Gelth…Slitheen." the last word hanging thick in the air like sulfuric ash. "Send him back. I am warning you….SEND HIM BACK RIGHT NOW!" I have never been more proud of her and more scared at the same time as I start to realize that maybe I misjudged our relationship. Isn't that what she has always taught me its not what's on the outside that counts but what is on the in? I'm still him in here. I promise Rose please just see me in here.

"I was dying Rose. To save my own life I changed my body. Every single cell." Every one that still bears your mark like a fingerprint in plaster.I shove my hands in my pockets unsure that I won't just grab her and pull her toward me, crushing her to me until she could feel how much I burn for her. I take a few tentative steps toward her, " How can I remember this," I pleaded, " the very first words I said to you when we were trapped in that cellar, surrounded by shop window dummies….Oh so long ago…I took your hand." I slip my hand ever so slowly in hers amazed at how our palms still fit perfectly together, and oh so grateful I am that that did not change. " I said one word. Just one word I said." I looked desperately into her watery eyes, " Run!"

"Doctor?"

My favorite word in every language ever spoken.

Then the darkness crept in and a thousand explosions let loose inside my head.

I barely remember setting the coordinates for her home, but I'm sure she had urged me to, as sure as it is that this is what's killing me. At this point I don't fucking care. Let death come. I desire its sweet taste. If she won't have me I don't want to go on living.

Trapped in Jackie Tyler's bed in another mans jimjams, I am the punch line in a horrible cosmic knock knock joke. They speak around me as if I were an elephant in the room and no one has noticed. Jackie's voice, a mixture of both empathy and disbelief, rings in my ears as she strokes my forehead with the gentleness that only a mother could give. I wonder what kind of mother Rose will be, because if she is half the mother Jackie is she is going to be fantastic…or is that brilliant. I hear snippets of their conversations unable to reply.

_How can he go changing his face? Is that a different face or is he a different person? _

_The thing is I thought I knew him, Mum. I thought me and him were. And then he goes and does this…_

Damn this body. I want to scream and shout it from the rooftops. I am him. Rose I love you. Rose I am made just for you please just believe me. Believe in me the way you used to Rose. Give me the strength to come home to you.

There was a clatter in the living room followed by screaming and this Goddamn body is not moving. I feel the wind coming from whatever evil seems to be follow us both knowing damn well I am sure I am the cause once again. I hear her….._yes that's it, that's my girl. Go get it. Get my sonic. _I feel the cool metal grace my burning palm. I smell the strawberries and cream of her shampoo and feel the warmth of her breath in my ear as she says the words that lead to my undoing. " Help me."

Its like everything and anything just released itself inside me. I sat upright exploding the Christmas tree that was attempting to saw its way through all of the people I had grown to love. For so many centuries I had longed to be able to say this with conviction. I love them, they are my family. I will defend them with my last breath.

Even Mickey the idiot.

_The Doctor wouldn't do this. The old Doctor, the proper Doctor, he'd wake up. He'd save us._

_You really love him, don't you?_

Oh yes, oh please yes. She does. Does she? I can feel the thrumming of my dual hearts pick up as the words leave Mickey's lips. I open my eyes slightly and turn my head enough to see him wrap her in his arms, her warm, soft body now pressed tightly to his. I think of a few alien species that would make a nice snack of him before sleep claims me once more.

_Someone's got to be the Doctor. _

Oh Rose, brave, strong, fierce Rose. I feel the energy of the TARDIS pulse through my cerebral cortex my neural synapses firing, my blood coursing through my veins. My eyes struggle to open, I exhale more energy as my regeneration begins its final few hours before its completion.

I hear Harriet Jones plead with Rose though the door, _They'll kill you!_

My fingers start to tingle and I slowly start to flex them, I will myself to heal quicker. For her. She needs me. Fear and power war with my consciousness. I will be stronger, better because of her.

_Never stopped him. I, I address the Sycorax according to Article Fifteen of the Shadow Proclamation. I command you to leave this world with all the authority of the Slitheen Parliament of Raxacoricofallapatorius, and the Gelth Confederacy as sanctioned by the Mighty Jagrafess and, oh, the Daleks! Now, leave this planet in peace! _oh her sweet voice._ In peace. _

I stand my legs shaking. Her threats fall on deaf ears but I am so proud of her right now. She is my Bad Wolf, Rose Tyler defender of the Earth. I stretch my sore muscles and take a deep breath. It is time to become the man I made myself be for her. The roar of their laughter ignites a primal fire that burns deep within me and I steel myself for battle.

_You are very, very funny. And now you're going to die. _

I smirk. Its better not fuck with the Oncoming Storm.

I feel the hum of the TARDIS as the translation program kicks in and even though I am well versed in 1000 languages, its comforting to at least hear her speak in my mind. But if I can hear her I am sure that my Rose can. I stand straight and tall. Swinging the doors of the TARDIS open with one grand gesture… "Did you miss me?"

Her smile says what mere words cannot say, and I cannot contain my joy.

I am done for.


End file.
